No Temporal Refunds

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009 @ 6:39 pm | Other

Every couple of months we receive an email that includes some variation of the following:

“Give me back the two hours of my life I wasted watching your movie.”

We don’t mind negative feedback (it’s practically the only kind we get), but this one just bugs me.

For one thing, it’s not clever and it’s not original. In fact, dare I say it… it’s sort of a mockbuster of cinematic criticism. Second, our movies are rarely longer than 90 minutes (they just feel like they’re two hours). And frankly, they don’t usually get any better after the first 15. If you hate the movie and still end up watching the whole thing, I’m sorry… but that’s on you.

So, please don’t ask for refunds of time anymore. Just tell us what you really think, like Jeff, who wrote:

“I hate you please die in a fire”

Now that’s original.

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    45 Responses to “No Temporal Refunds”

    1. Random Gamer Says:

      Your movies are crap, how dare you recreate good movies? I am Omega. Like what in the hell? Monster , Sunday School Musical , Snakes on a Train , War of the Worlds 2? You guys are the worst. People obviously should get there money back. Who in the hell would buy your back yard filming movies? Instead of remaking blockbuster hits try making your own movies than wasting people’s time with your kids idea’s.

    2. Robert Ellis Says:

      I see that Random Gamer wasn’t tall enough to ride the Catch-the-Point-ercoaster, because that all went straight over his head. Also, my dear gamer, look into how to conjugate the possesive tense in the King’s English. Admin, everyone that supports Asylum feels your pain on the IMDb boards.

    3. Kalebzilla Says:

      Hey David. I love your movies. They maybe not be Roger Corman. But you shound make more monster movies. I think people will like you guys more.
      http://www.tohokingdom.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=21290

    4. Robert Ford Says:

      Well I actually LIKE yes LIKE your movies. The acting is bad, etc etc but the special effects are rather good for what I would deem a “budget movie”. Some suc, indeed rather alot but I enjoy sucky movies and B movies. I agree with the previous post that monsters and giant robots (like your 10ft killing machine at the end of “The Terminators” not enought screen time for him if you ask me) are the way to go. Keep making them and laughing at the complaints after all… you got their £££!

    5. Rick Says:

      I saw MSvsGO and totally loved it! It had the great giant monster vibe of the 1950s and ’60s with films like THEM!, DEADLY MANTIS, BLACK SCORPION & THE VALLEY OF GWANGI, childhood favorites and still rank as some of my favorite films. I always make sure to bring down TRANSMORPHERS to show to my film school buddies, once they get over the fact it exists, we just have a blast with it. Hoping T:FoM is bigger and badder.

    6. kage Says:

      I’d have more admiration for your company if you went full gonzo and made a b-movie from material that was highly respected instead of widely recognized. I’m justing saying, RACHEL GETTING MARRIED would make one hell of a psycho slasher flick and Benjamin Button could be the greatest creature since The Toxic Avenger.

    7. Scotch Says:

      Hey, man! Love your movies…always will. They’re a total blast! A great night’s cheesey entertainment! The Terminators is one my favorite so far along with Death Racers and When A Killer Calls! Can’t wait for Sex Pot!

    8. Craig from England Says:

      Leave Dave, Paul and the gang alone. Why bitch about films you know you wouldn’t like? The Asylum’s input is B movie heaven. You describe them them as the CANNON of Schlock. All we need is Michael Dudikoff in an action monster movie come on guys Dudikoff needs work…the American Ninja vs some random monster…how cool is that?

      I love the films, read my reviews at http://www.denofgeek.com roll on The Land That Time Forgot!!!

    9. McHuge Says:

      How can anyone hate The Asylum gang?

      http://www.theasylum.cc/company.php

      Just look at those innocent faces! Ok, well except for Brett Bach (he looks like he’s up to no good). And Dina, I can’t tell if she’s drunk or plotting some sexy plan to take over the world.

      But seriously, how can you hate these guys – Nicolas Cage is somehow still allowed to make movies, but you want to Asylum in a fire?

    10. Robert Ford Says:

      I just had to comment again as I am watching Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus and ITS NOT A B MOVIE!! The acting is great, script great, visuals great! It truly gripped me start to finish, please make more! If I make a million quid im coming straight to you guys with it.

    11. Anne Says:

      I can’t say I’m a fan of your movies, but my friends and I watch them for fun (mostly pain) ALL the time. That being said, do you have Asylum t-shirts for sale? I’m serious. Please e-mail me. We’d all love to buy one.

    12. Thomas Says:

      Hi guys from France,

      For my part, i don’t undrestand how people can lose time complaining about your movies and THEN send mean comments. Personnaly, I love your movies and your approach : you have the honnesty to publish what people think of you (including physical threats…)and do the movies you like despite harsh comments. Keep on having fun guys !

    13. Someone Says:

      Yeah, quite replying to your own blog, it’s kinda obvious. Your movies suck!!!

    14. Admin Says:

      Hey, thanks for all the nice comments (I wasn’t digging for compliments… really!).

      And, Anne, if you think it’s painful to watch our movies once… just think how it is for those of us who have to watch them several times. Anyway… keep renting them… and you can buy some t-shirts (and other schwag) here:

      http://www.cafepress.com/theasylumcc

    15. Matt Says:

      I have only seen the day the earth stopped and i loved it. to me it was better then the remake of the day the earth stood still with keanu reeves or how ever you spell his name. i plan on seeing the other movies you guys do. I’m a big old b rate movie fan and you guys deliver on the b rate feel. the acting is kinda bad but that is what makes them great. keep up the great work guys.

    16. Guestar57 Says:

      Damn,This thread is awesome,Educational and Well…FUN.

    17. abysmal asylum Says:

      I know who you are fuckers!!!!

    18. Mubashir Says:

      Guys you should put some efforts into movies they are just blatant rip-offs of big films I am all for indie films but come on your movies give indie films a bad name.

    19. Kilgore Trout Says:

      The only good thing about your films, is the nudity (this is coming from a 16 year teen), acting, writing, all crap, but hey at leats you flash titties everyone in a while though i get disappointed when there isnt any, so now go die in a torrential hell fire of brim stone, and return 120 minutes of wasted time to me (original enough?)

    20. Anne Says:

      Yay, thanks Admin! T-shirts will be ordered pronto.

    21. John Black Says:

      Well…i like the movies. Most of them are crap but if you watch them with your friends and after a dozen beers you have fun :).

      One thing is bugging me though: The new asylum movies do not contain enough nudity…we want boobs dammit !!! In the first Asylum movies you got boobs in every flick, but since 18 Year Old Virgin I haven’t seen any of them in the movies.

      So give us our boobs !!! NOW !!!

    22. Matt Says:

      Your shit sucks. How dare you rip off a fracnhise thats been around for 25 years (Transformers!) you sicken me.

    23. The Onion Says:

      Me and my husband love snakes on a train.

    24. Bleicke Says:

      Hey guys,

      I almost choked laughing during The Terminators. It’s a crappy movie, but it’s fun. So who gives a fuck? Also, that chick is really hot. The one who is also in 18 year old virgin. And the Terminator guy was awesome. He was all business! None of that fucking “I want your sunglasses” crap.

      Take care, make more fun movies.

    25. abysmal asylum Says:

      I suggest you should hire UWE BOLL and ULI LOMMEL!
      Perfect match for you AsYluM!

    26. Transmorphers: Fall of Man Trailer is Explosive - Screen Rant Says:

      [...] Asylum is oblivious to all the negative feedback; just the opposite is true. They address all the negativity on thier website, and I have to say it’s quite amusing: Every couple of months we receive an email that [...]

    27. Admin Says:

      Matt, you’ve made us see the error of our ways. We feel absolutely horrible about ripping off a franchise that was based on a cartoon show, that was based on a comic book, that was based on a line of toys, that was based on another line of toys…

    28. Admin Says:

      Kilgore and John, you’ll be very happy with Sex Pot.

      There’s so much nudity that we may actually have to cut some of it out…

    29. Thomas Says:

      Hi guys,

      When do you intend to produce the following movies:

      Larry Pottar
      Space Trek
      Angel and Evil

      and so on…That could be a lot of fun

    30. Admin Says:

      As soon as we finish post-production on “Hostel for Dogs.”

    31. John Black Says:


      Kilgore and John, you’ll be very happy with Sex Pot.

      There’s so much nudity that we may actually have to cut some of it out…

      What ? You cut out some nudity ? Why would you do such a mean thing ? There isn’t such thing as “too much nudity” !

      Just aim for the next higher rating (Can’t wait to see the first Asylum Porn lol ;) ) !

    32. Admin Says:

      Yeah, I know… but remember, we’re in the United States: We can show a child getting flayed or a head blowing up, but we get into all kinds of trouble because of a few nipples and a damn talking penis…

    33. 10minute Says:

      YOU GUYS OWN! Snakes on a train hahahahaha

      Snakes on a plane sucked so bad I actually prefer Snakes on a Train.

    34. Thomas Says:

      Hi,

      Just a quick note to let you know you’re becoming really famous in Franceamong B movies fans. The biggest website has already reviewed many of your movies (in frech sorry).

      take care

      http://www.nanarland.com/Chroniques/Main.php?id_film=alienvshunter
      http://www.nanarland.com/glossaire-definition-222-T-comme-the-asylum.html
      http://www.nanarland.com/Chroniques/Main.php?id_film=transmorphers

    35. kevin Says:

      I think BE KIND REWIND should be preface material for watching these films. It’s not about the budget or the special effects, it’s about the spirit of the delivery. I’ll watch a damn puppet show if the people involved are motivated to entertain. I noticed the vast majority of the negative feedback comes from the most pedestrian of viewers, which is ironic because if you’re going to take film so seriously at least know what the fuck you’re talking about.

    36. Stephen Says:

      Well, I watched MSvGO (my first Asylum experience) last night and it was an hour and a half extremely well spent, so you can keep it. Pisses all over Terminator4 and basically every other blockbuster out of Hollywood for the last decade. I am now a convert.

      Thank you Asylum, you may have just ruined my life, but in a nice way…

    37. Heiko Betz Says:

      hello,
      i dont understand the lot of negative feedback. everybody knows that you make fast and cheap productions. so the quality is not so good as a hollywood blockbuster. i like this kind of stuff because you give unknown actor the chance to get a job and earn some experience in making movies. most actor begins with b-movies…so you do a good job with your company :)
      i am musician and create filmscores/soundtracks. so if you will here some audiodemos, mail me =)

    38. I'm not giving my name to a machine Says:

      While I do hope you die in a fire, die horribly, I do respect your optimism, and your sense of humor, and the fact that you don’t deny the fact that you are all cinematic rapist hell-spawn who deserve to die in the most horrific way possible, I do, once again, respect your optimism and sense of humor, just so long as you don’t go thinking that your films are better than the ones you ripped off.

      Also I read your comment saying that you think of the transformers as a ripoff, well thats the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard, what you said is basically like saying spinoffs are ripoffs.

    39. Filmguy450 Says:

      I use to write on the forums all the time, but the spam got too much and it became frustrating. I somehow never realized that it was taken down and that this has started up, despite the fact that I come here to see the updates/ latest news from you guys all the time.

      With that being said, I think you guys are great! Your movies are generally alot of fun and are (sometimes) better than their bigger budgeted counterparts, plus you guys have Lorenzo Lamas, hells yeah! One question though, where has Leigh Scott been?

    40. Admin Says:

      Thanks for the kind words, Filmguy. I’m glad you found us again and hope you keep coming back.

      Leigh Scott left to start his own production company about a year and a half ago. He (and maybe one of his clones) occassionally comment on this site.

    41. Filmguy450 Says:

      I am glad he has been successful, and of course I will be coming back. Just caught The Day The Earth Stopped (a little late, I know) and would like to say that I think it’s one of your best efforts to date!

    42. Jack Says:

      I actually like your movies – at least the ones with hot babes in tight tank tops with bra straps sticking out. Journey to the Center of the Earth was a masterwork in this regard. Keep putting that in your movies, and I’ll keep buying them. Of course I buy them all used, so you probably don’t make any money off them. Sorry.

    43. Frustrated Film Director Says:

      I’d like to put my two cents in if I may. Your films have been very enjoyable. I was injured at work and am crippled and mostly bed-ridden now. since I can’t make the films I wanted, I watch yours all the time. Either on Sy Fy, on Netflix rental or I even buy my favorite ones (which is the majority of your films, in my opinion). Every film company makes a bad film once in a while (i know, I’ve seen my share)but I’ve only seen a couple of the Asylums films I didn’t like. Most people don’t know the sweat and blood that goes into a movie. So, I’d just like to finish by saying, “KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK” and if someone doesn’t like one of your films, who’s forcing them to watch them? Thanks for listening to my ranting.

    44. Nick Says:

      Really, you guys have no excuse. I would find these movies acceptable, and even hilarious if they were constructed as parodies of Hollywood’s bigger sci-fi films, but they are not. They are clearly shameless rip-offs of the hard work of other directors. Sure, some of the sci-fi films you rip-off suck, like Cloverfield, and War of the Worlds, but nevertheless all of the movies you ripped off took much time and money to create. You dirty Hollywood’s name when you shit out movies that are not only unoriginal, but lack the funds to hire decent actors, create half-decent graphics, and hire a screen writer that at least has some sort of background in literature.
      Your cavalier attitude towards your crimes against movie industry only reinforces my belief that you are wastes of human life. What you do is truly pathetic. Hell, a janitor at least cleans up the places, and make them nicer for people. You make the worst kinds of films that attempt to capitalize off of the works of directors and producers who actually give a damn about what they are creating. Please, just stick to pornos. It appears to be the only good thing you people are good for.
      Hell, maybe you should try college; learn a little about film-making. Hire some good actors. Get some original, quality script. Maybe not focus on pumping out shit movies, and consolidate your money for something original. Then maybe you won’t be economically obliterated by the number of lawsuits that you only deserve.

    45. Hank M. Says:

      David Latt –

      I don’t have to leave you any hate mail – because I can’t make you feel any worse than you already do each night when you lie in bed realizing that you’ve compromised your creative gifts and sacrificed them for something so unoriginal.

      You must have had a passion at one point and wanted to make something moving, creative and entirely original once, right? Something that was entirely your own and not a cheap copy to make a quick buck?

      It’s a shame to see talented people waste their gifts on such a petty endeavor. You have so many resources available to you. Use them to make at least one great, original and groundbreaking picture a year. You clearly have the ability.

      We’re all waiting to be impressed…

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