We Still Get Mail

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010 @ 11:25 am | Headline, Other

Regular visitors to this site know that we like to occassionally share some of the input we receive from our “fans.”

Below are actual excerpts from some of our favorite comments and letters.

As always, please be warned that these are not edited for profanity or grammatic butchery.

Here is a comment on 2012: SUPERNOVA:

Apparently this movie is being compared to a skunk crawling into a sewer, fucking a rat, having a baby, the baby eats the parents, the baby fucks a camel, the camel-rat-skunk baby then goes into a 90 year olds ass, the old 90 year old farts, the thing farts, it dies, it farts again, the old man pulls it out of its ass, eats it, pukes, wraps it in tin foil, eats and pukes it again about 5.7 times, and then dies of a heart attack.

This one came in under the subject line: “One Word Review:”

awful.  just awful.

your films make Uwe Boll look like Martin Scorsese.

I’m really bad at math, but I’m pretty sure that’s twelve words.

Now, if only this one were true:

make a sex pot 2 I will give y ou 5 million to make it.

That would be a $4,900,000 profit! Cha-ching!

It’s really not fair to make fun of people who write to you in a language that isn’t their own. But, then, life isn’t fair:  

This film is the most bad film I ever seen. So many mistakes in audio and also in video. I mean, its better for (you) to work at supermarked but not in film-industry. So very bad, I´ve never seen before. I´m workin as an audio-engineer (sound design) in a music-film-studio. If I would work so bad like you, I didn´t get some new work anytime…

Finally, my personal favorite:

I’m just in contact for a comment about the 2012 Doomsday. I wish this comment was taken as constructive criticism.

I could not watch this movie. It’s very bad.

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    18 Responses to “We Still Get Mail”

    1. Brett Heitkam Says:

      Oh my God! I get so tired of people bitching about Asylum movies! Asylum movies are supposed to be cheesy and fun. For people to take them as seriously as these idiots just boggles my mind. I am a huge Asylum junkie. I have collected almost every movie Asylum has produced. I know going into one that it’s not going to be Gone With the Wind (and it was never meant to be). I watch them for the mysteriousness of the casting choices (I am dying to see Tiffany in Megapiranha) and the cheesy (but far from terrible) special effects.

      I just don’t understand where all these detractors are coming from. Obviously there is a large enough portion of the movie-watching population that has the same opinion I do, otherwise the Asylum would cease to exist. A movie doesn’t have to be big-budget (or even well-made) to be entertaining, and that’s all I ask from a movie!

      Team Asylum! Oh, and you guys need to put more stuff out on blu-ray! I stumbled upon the MegaFault blu-ray by accident at Amazon… I was confused why it wasn’t listed in your store!

    2. Josh Says:

      Haha, geez you must have hours of laughs going through these things.

      I was talking to my media teacher at college the other day about recent films I’d seen and mentioned ‘Mega shark vs. Giant octopus’ only to find that she loved it too and so did every other media teacher in the college. Was happy to find I wasn’t the only asylum fan in my college! :P

    3. Bobby Says:

      -laughs- Those “fans” are just jealous because they are too lazy and dumb to actually make a movie, much less, ones as fun and enjoyable as yours.

      I am very excited for 6 Guns, can’t wait for it.!

    4. TheDM Says:

      “It’s really not fair to make fun of people who write to you in a language that isn’t their own. But, then, life isn’t fair.”

      Paul! You’re fucking hilarious!


      Your biggest fan.

    5. Thomas Says:

      Hi…I guess that people who really hate you tend to write natsy mails, but this is nothing compared to those who love The asylym and would never trade their DVD collection for a million…see you soon in France guys! Great job Paul:)

    6. indrid-cold Says:

      you know roger corman started out make the same type flims and now he’s haled as a god…………….ps when is paranormal entity 2 comeing out??

    7. kenny Says:

      you need to stop making movies cuz damn they are bad

    8. Anthony Says:

      I think the time is right for a Star Trek mockbuster. I’m just saying… or in this case… typing.

      Ok, I’ll go climb back under my rock now.

    9. Paul Says:

      Sometimes people say nice things… when they’re drunk:


      Thanks, Jim!

    10. Alex Says:

      A couple beers, a couple friends, a couple Asylum films. There is no finer night. This is a fact.

    11. Randall Says:

      Make Dead men walking 2!!!!!! the first was a damn good zombie film guys!!!

    12. robert Says:

      com’on when will paranormal entity 2 be comeing out??????

    13. Spyral Says:

      Me and some friends are huge Asylum fans. We watch your movies on Netflix over XBox Live. Simply amazing fucking movies. The people who don’t get it and send hate mail are just retards, like the downsyndroids in The Day the Earth Stopped..lol..keep up the good work!

    14. GTFO OT Says:

      Your movies make my eyes rain. I love them. Paulo and Stylez have butt sechs to ransmorphers.

    15. Jay Says:

      Asylum really needs to cease to exist! We can only take so many piss-poor movies like theirs!
      The people who work at Asylum are all retards, and they need to take the hate mail to heart if they really want to survive!

    16. Matthew Mosley Says:

      Something there is nothing more fun than a rip-off movie, and let’s face it, most of the e-mails will come from people who haven’t seen the film they bitch about they just know it’s made by The Asylum and so give it the thumbs down.

    17. Matthew Mosley Says:

      P.S To Jay’s comment above mine, go fuck yourself hard with a rusty knife …. in your ass.

    18. Monday’s Mailbag | BLOGGIN' BIN REVUE Says:

      [...] As our nation’s leading makers of cheap, soulless knock-offs of big budget Hollywood films, The Asylum gets quite a bit of fan mail.  And by “fan mail,” I mean the kind of mail where people demand that their $5.00 rental fee be reimbursed or point out that, “your films make Uwe Boll look like Martin Scorsese.“ [...]

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