Every day we get dozens of query letters from writers hoping we’ll produce their screenplays. Many of you email me and comment on this site asking how you can pitch us your ideas.
I very rarely respond. I usually just hit delete or pretend not to see them. Why? Because, as writer myself, I hate to disappoint anyone who puts their heart and soul into a screenplay. And because any kind of response would only confirm how superficial and whorish we really are.
If you’re at all familiar with our movies, you know that we rarely do “original.” As I’ve mentioned here many times, The Asylum always follows the market. Sometimes that’s making movies with a similar theme to studio films that already have built-in awareness and multimillion dollar marketing campaigns. Sometimes it’s a video retailer telling us about an under served market. And sometimes it’s just one of our best customers telling us they really need a movie about giant fish.
Your screenplay may be the best thing written since Showgirls. It may be the story that would propel us from b-movie schlockmeisters to Sundance darlings.
But probably not.
Original is risky. And we rarely take risks. And when we do, they are calculated (“we know we won’t sell our western anywhere outside the US, but if we make it cheaply enough…”).
So, how can you write for The Asylum? Well, if you’ve got an interesting take on a mockbuster for a studio movie that is coming out in six to twelve months, that isn’t a remake, sequel, or based on an old television series (good luck); we might read that. Or if you happen to know the buyers at Netflix or Redbox or Comcast and can ask them what types of movies they need, we’ll listen to that pitch.
Otherwise, the best and easiest way to become a writer for The Asylum (and this works for directors too), is to move to Los Angeles and work for us in some other capacity; PA, grip, janitor, babysitter for Latt’s kids. And eventually we’ll give you shot…
That’s because we make most of our business decisions based on guilt and laziness.
As always, please send your hate comments (but not your query letters) here.