Mail Bag

Sunday, May 15th, 2011 @ 8:19 am | Headline, Other

Rimawi and I are busy selling our films at the Cannes Market and I’m using the time between meetings to catch up with some of the correspondence we receive from “fans.”

Despite my best efforts to insulate our employees, there are still emails from people who feel it’s necessary to let everyone on our staff know they need help:

I am writing to you today to express how awful this film 200mph is. I for one have watched some terrible films in my time, but this takes it to a whole new level… …The budget for this film must have been less than I earn in a week at a bar. I have discussed this film with a friend, and it was decided it could be used as a torture method. If I owned a gun I would of been happy to shoot myself instead of watching this film. Please don’t have any satisfaction in taking peoplea (sic) money for watching this film, you are basically hooking people on the title, “200mph that sounds good,” then when you watch it, you resent the film so much. I will end my email here, but could happily go on about how bad this film is.

We also get the occasional message that appears sincere:

About two weeks ago, I was fired from my job, where I had been working for
the past 12 years. It was the lowest I’ve ever felt. Well, a friend of
mine got me a subscription for Netfilx instant to keep me occupied while I
look for a new job. One of the things he suggested I watch was Mega Shark
Versus Giant Octopus. It totally blew me away. Since then, I’ve been on a mission to watch everything The Asylum has put
out. … Anyway, the purpose of this letter was just to say thank you for keeping a
smile on my face during a tough time in my life. …Truth be told, I would take your
films any day of the week over the crap that is in theaters now days.
The major studios expect me to shell out big bucks to watch what is,
essentially, a two-hour long commercial for whatever product paid to be
placed in the film? No, thank you. Long live The Asylum, and the wonderful people who make it possible!

And those that appear less so:

Dear Geniuses at the Asylum, THIS MOVIE WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was incredibly realistic, and I jumped at every scene.  Especially in the beginning when Emma told the other guy to cut the engine, and the controls were SOOOOO realistic and high tech!  I don’t how you guys have nearly enough money to create such a classic film.  I seriously thought it was a real shark that jumped 5000 feet in the air and took out the airplane. AND when they landed, there wasn’t even a splash!!!WOW that shark has some crazy diving skills, huh?! The actors were also incredible, I felt as if they were playing themselves and not even acting!  I’m willing to spend another hour and a half of my life to watch the sequel, especially since the ending left viewers with so many questions.  …Please be sure to use the same actors, and the same cut scenes that you guys used over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.  The editing was also by far top class and seamless.  I seriously thought Michael Bay, Steven Spielberg, David Fincher, Ridley Scott, James Cameron, and Jesus Christ all fused their brains together and came up with this epic film.  …Keep it up guys, this was definitely by far the best movie I’ve seen in my entire life.

And, of course, we can always expect a few particularly lovely sentiments. My wife especially appreciated this one:

I hope the collective families of everyone working at The Asylum die slow painful deaths of grotesque diseases.

Still on very, very rare occasions, the criticisms are actually clever enough to make me laugh, like this one about 200 MPH:

this movie title should be 2shity2watch

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    8 Responses to “Mail Bag”

    1. Matthew Mosley Says:

      it’s sad that there are people out there with so little to do but email bitchy comments when they should really just kill themselves (though i’m sure a couple have been from fans just wanting you to post their comments :) )

      if only you paid as much attention to pitches :(

    2. Mike Thomas Says:

      Let’s face it guys – there are people out there who wishes your studio would burn to the ground, and others wold give their eye-tooth to make a pilgrimage there. There is no middle ground.

      But, as my Uncle Amos used to say, “If you’re thinking about me in admiration, or you’re thinking about me in anger, you’re still thinking about me!”

      Keep crankin’ ‘em out and we’ll enjoy them – each in our own way!

    3. Maarten Says:

      I would use the 2 Shitty 2 Watch title. It could make a big ranking in the Netflix-list! :)

    4. John Simpson Says:

      I thougfht 200 mph was awesome!

    5. Chris aka Guestar Says:

      Im sorry I just came up with the Best Box Line for a DVD !
      quote: BALLISTICA,This Guy Could Be The SEAL TEAM 6 Of Action Films !!!: unquote.

    6. Jen Says:

      I have to agree – Please do a Obama gets Osama movie starring Paul Logan, that would be sooo awesome!!!

    7. Andrei Says:

      I see the same people (probably from The Asylum) commenting on articles. How low is that? I just have one question that needs answering. Are you seriously saying that you’re not copying major titles?

    8. Matthew Mosley Says:

      BTW which one of you guys writes these blogs? I’m not seeing a name anywhere.

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